Loved and Lost

     So I was asleep. It's almost 1am, I have to be up for work in 4 hours. What woke me was a dream I just had. It was an extremely vivid and realistic dream about my dad.
     It feels weird to say Dad, because I haven't been able to say it in 9 years. I woke up and started crying, I guess my memories of him are so much more vivid than I thought.
     My dad wasn't perfect, what parent is? He did some things during his life that hurt people he loved, both emotionally and mentally. But everyone gets hurt at some point in their lives. The one thing I would never question about my dad is that he loved my family unconditionally, his brother and sisters and especially my brother and myself. His priorities for his own life were never really organized in a way that worked for him or for my family and I feel I'm in a similar ship.
      At his funeral, a woman (who isn't important enough to remember) came up to me and said she felt sorry that I would never have my dad to walk me down the isle at my wedding. At the time I was 14 so it confused me but also hurt and annoyed me. Now I think back on it, and it makes me a little angry. Yeah, it was a while ago, but who says things like that at someone's funeral?  
     I can't go back to sleep, and I've never really mentioned anything about my dad to anyone, and I feel it's an insult to his memory. I think for me, when the subject comes up, I explain what happened and dismiss it from my memory, and there are several personal reasons for that. However, the love that I felt during my dream, when I saw his face like he was standing right infront of me for real, has made me realize that I've actually buried my emotions and my feelings about him in a negative way, and I never should have done that. No one does things right all the time, and even though they hurt you unintentionally, you can never stop loving them.
      I miss being able to say Daddy, I miss his smile, the way he sat when he drove the car, the wrinkles by his eyes when he laughed, the nickname "Pumpkin" he had for me, and the way I used to hold onto his pinky finger wherever we went.
     Now that I've blubbed enough, I'll try to sleep :)